I am struggling. In this tidal wave of grief, I struggle with the surges of rage and the weight of sorrow. I struggle with disappointment in our collective inability to denounce and stop the violence. I even struggle with hope, its glimmers feel like a mirage that get swiftly eclipsed by the next atrocity Israel commits. My whole heart and soul are in Gaza, but my body is here in America. I struggle with the dysregulation of being neither here nor there.Ā
Such profound heartbreak has a way of opening other wounds, past heartaches; I revisit my lifeās losses, thumbing through them like beads on a rosary. I struggle with trust, wondering which of my friends are true comrades and witnesses to my journey, and which prefer me subdued, lighthearted, apolitical, and silent. I wonder who Iāll be on the other side of this. I wonder if there is another side of this.
I think about how we refer to liberation movements as struggles. Iāve never really given that label much thought until now. I feel less alone knowing that my emotional, mental, and spiritual struggle is in conversation with the Palestinian struggle. That every bit of anguish I allow myself to feel is a sign of an intact soul, a beating heart. Like trees in a forest communicating through the mycelium, the Palestinian struggle teaches me that self care and collective care are inextricable.
Working for a free Palestineāgenuinely committing to the struggle so much so that it becomes a lifestyleāfrees the self. Palestine is much more than a physical place. To truly free Palestine requires us as a society to decide that the divine ideals of truth and justice are more worthy than greed and supremacy. To live in a world where Palestine is free means we have converted the imagination of collectivism, interdependence, and radical love into a physical reality. I canāt think of a more enticing reward to struggle for.
Once youāre exposed to the mechanics of imperialism, its building blocks of colonialism and capitalism become clear. Break these structures down even further and we are left with interpersonal crueltyāthe harm, abandonment, exploitation, and loneliness we inflict on one another. The lover we ghost, the friend we ignoreāall the tiny splinters of rejection and paināthese are microcosms of the same cruelty weāre seeing on our screens. The work of freeing Palestine includes the work of owning and repairing the harm we inflict in our day-to-day lives.Ā
My fascination with and devotion to the Palestinian struggle influences my life so deeply. Itās why I have become a writer. I want to confess my feelings all day longāmy love and my sorrow, my anger and hopeābecause my feelings are my truth. The more comfortable I get with the vulnerability of speaking my truth, the braver I become in speaking up for Palestineās truth.
The text Joyful Militancy offers a reimagining of joy, defined as not an emotion at all, but an increase in oneās power to affect and be affected. When I moved to Gaza in 2017, a Palestinian friend told me, or maybe warned me: Palestine makes you feel alive, because it makes you feel everything. These thoughts converge, creating a new pathway in my mind to conceive of life in the struggle. When I feel the turbulent, uncomfortable emotions that come with loving Palestine, thatās me being affected. When I sit down amidst the heart-shattering horror to quietly focus my thoughts and writeāthatās me affecting.Ā
Which is all to say, that I am struggling. Deeply. And if you are alsoāremember that this, too, is joy.
I see through you the power of truth nurturing a soul to liberate it from the shackles of fear, petty alliances, and pursuits that in the end suck the fountain of joy bone dry.
The Palestinian struggle and resistance shows the world that freedom is an eternal ideal, peace is a human right, and to reach these goals we must treat one another as an image of ourselves.
Palestinians will become the reason for the outdated notion of controlling and subjugating others to amass wealth to be rejected and replaced with a new civilization. A civilization which not just professes the sacredness of humanity but actually succeeds in realizing that we are created only to reach that state of love where we become the very image of love in which God created us. A state that elevates humans above angels. Inshallah!
Thank you so much for this.